23 definitions by eighthofseven

Stealing stuff ... often, very nice stuff, usually from work.

May include but is not limited to office supplies, computer parts, food and drink.

The justification is that the item(s) would have been thrown out anyway at some point so you're just going with the trend and saving the planet by recycling them a little "early".

To overdecorate the exterior of one's place of residence with ludicrous numbers of fairy lights, inflatable santas and snowmen, flashing Santa's sleighs etc., to the point where one becomes the object of ridicule for one's neighbours and also runs up an enormous electricity bill.

Crumb blindness is a genetically transmitted condition which expresses itself similarly to haemophillia; both males and females acn be carriers, but it only exhibits itself in males.

Sufferers from crumb blindless are unable to see the mess left in food preparation areas as a result of the hasty assembly of snack foods, especially when this occurs during intervals in televised major sporting events.

The result is a kitchen strewn with torn-open bags and packets, carelessly discarded dirty cutlery, and crumbs everywhere.

When confronted with the "evidence", the sufferer from crumb blindness will profess genuine astonishment, having been completely unaware of the effects of their activity until it is drawn to their attention by their (usually female) partner.

Crumb blindness in females is extremely rare, and the subject of special study; in males, 100% of the population carry the gene, and it is expressed to some extent in over 70% of adult males.

There is no known cure, but single males tend to suffer more than those with long term partners.

A carbon-based life form, masquerading as a dog, not yet satisfactorily proven to be of terrestrial origin.

They may be the product of genetic manipulation or some other advanced technology, as they certianly don't behave anything like real dogs; they are more like tiny furry humans. They don't talk, but that's probably only because they have such disdain for us. They may well be cats in dog suits, but no zipper has yet been located. They look like a cross bewteen an Ewok, a Mugwai and a Hobbit; they have large, round eyes with a gentle, loving expression, which conceals the vast, malign intellect within. They are clever, inquisitive, ingenious and capable of thoughtful malice and destruction. They can look and act VERY cute when they want to, and really know how to work a crowd. They may be related in some way to lephrechauns, as they seem to have a number of paranormal powers, including the ability always to be the wrong side of a closed door.

It is not disputed that for may years, Shih Tzu were the pampered pets of the Chinese Imperial family. As a result of this, Shih Tzu seem to have a racial memory of being carried round on silk cusions with golden tassels, and fed tiny morsels of tasty food by a small army of subservient flunkeys. Since this is what they are used to, this is what they expect. Any Shih Tzu inserted into a "normal" house consisting of adult and immature humans, other dogs, cats etc. will, despite their diminutive size, quickly become "boss" of the entire establishment; they have a Size Twelve personality squashed down into a Size Three body.

It is oftain said by those who do not understand them that Shih Tzu think they are human. This is not in fact correct; Shih Tzu know they are Shih Tzu, but importantly what they also know is that humans are just big pink monkeys placed on this planet to be at their beck and call every moment of the day and night, and to tend to their every whim immediately and without question. When one of their slaves fails to behave as expected, they generally adopt a puzzled, sorrowful look, as if pitying the lack of understanding.
If they do not get their own way immediately, the look of pity is replaced by what can only be described as a Special Paddington Hard Stare, swiftly followed by The End Of the World As You Know It as the docile little furball erupts into incandescent rage at your incompetence.

Depriving a Shih tzu of something it wants (Biscuits, your dinner, the middle of the double bed, the most comfy chair, a go at driving your car) can result in an orgy of destruction; expect linings pulled out of shoes, remote controls hidden under furniture, expensive audio cables chewed through, and puddles of urine on the bathroom floor as a carefully placed early morning trap for the unwary.

On the other hand, Shih Tzu often behave like living Teddy Bears, and enjoy being treated as such. They can be very affectionate and cuddly. Don't be fooled; this means that (a) they have done something bad, and are trying to build up 'credit', or more usually (b) they are planning something, and are lulling you into a false sense of security.

When recounting a "tall story", the response "Tell it to the Marines" implies, "Go and tell your sea-story to some gullible landlubber, because no sailor will believe you".

Dates back to the before the Napoleonic wars, in the Royal Navy.

The last great German airship of the 1930's. It crashed because they could say where it was, or how fast it was going, but never both at the same time........

A Physicist's joke, based on a combination of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle and the German airship Hindenburg.

To meet. Based on the fact that when a particle is "observed", its wave function collapses. Therefore, when one meets another person and observes them, one "collapses their wave function", referring to Maxwell's equation for electromagnetic propagation.